I have a friend who is all business. He frequently runs our conversations through his assistant, and he generally approaches our relationship as a business transaction. To be honest, I’m not that interested in working with him. His professionalism is killing our relationship.
I learned in college the key to success was dressing to impress, networking frequently, and being professional. I’ve spent the last ten years unlearning that.
It turns out, being professional is only really helpful if you’re rendering services as a doctor, lawyer, or some other necessarily authoritative position. What actually works best for most of us is to be friendly. Professionalism holds many people back from success in life. Here’s why.
1. It Sets a Contractual Tone to Your Relationship
Contracts are about a sense of distrust. I don’t know about you, but I don’t really like working with people I distrust. Professionalism is about positioning yourself to be the least threatening, but to most people, that kind of positioning makes you less trustworthy. It shows you’re trying to sell me something. I don’t want to work with someone who’s always wanting to sell me something.
2. Friends Bend Over Backward to Help Each Other
Life isn’t about getting favors from other people. But at the same time, wouldn’t you want to work with someone who would come through for you even if it’s beyond the scope of your relationship? You wouldn’t call your personal attorney to help you change a tire or move across town. You frankly wouldn’t expect any help from them beyond legal advice. So, because of that, you’re missing out on that person as an individual—you don’t get to experience the person beyond their role as an attorney.
3. People Want Real Connection
Finally, people aren’t really looking for professionalism. If the success of Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump are any indication, most people want to see your passion. They want to feel like you’re being yourself with them. And if we’re looking for that from a president, how much more would we want that from people we work with.
Professionalism is important in the sense that you aren’t rude or abrasive or sloppy. But if you’re approaching everything like a business transaction, you’re missing out on a powerful part of your relationships. Professionalism is overrated. Friendship is where it’s at.