This is my tell all tale of the church I used to work for. A few months ago, before I quit my job at my church, I had a serious collision with my pastor. He felt I wasn’t giving my all to the job. He was frustrated with me and that made me frustrated with him. I had two choices of action when this all went down.
I could get mad and threaten to leave. Or I could try to fix the problem. I did both.
I’m not proud of my first response. But I am proud of my second response. I sat down with my pastor (and my wonderfully wise father as a mediator). We laid everything out on the table. We all knew I would be quitting in a few months anyway…maybe it was just time for me to leave now. But it wasn’t the right time. And I didn’t want to leave under these circumstances.
Instead, we found out there was a problem with communication. More directly, there was a problem with my communication. You see, my pastor is a communicator (most pastors are). He needed feedback from me. When something went wrong, he needed to know I was on it. He needed me to share my successes and failures with him so he felt like I was engaged.
I’m not a natural at that. I usually fix problems quietly and hate tooting my own horn. But that’s what my pastor needed. So I decided I could learn those skills. And I did. We had a fantastic relationship those last two months with me on staff.
There was nothing wrong with my pastor for needing those things from me. He’s the leader. He has a right to know what’s going on in his organization. Where I got frustrated and thought he wasn’t appreciating me…it turned out I was the one that needed to change.
I think too many church workers (and other creatives) get super frustrated with leadership. We automatically assume it’s the leader who’s wrong. I encourage you to examine your heart. Sit down with the leader and see what they’re really needing from you. I believe in most instances it’s something you need to change…not leadership.
If you’re having problems, you can salvage your relationship with your leader. And it might only take a simple change like mine took. Be willing to adapt and serve your leadership.
Such great insight, pastor staff relationships can be tough.
Such great insight, pastor staff relationships can be tough.
Thanks for this post. It describes a situation I’m dealing with and I think that I need to figure out what I need to do differently also.
thanks for the great insight
Thanks for this post. It describes a situation I’m dealing with and I think that I need to figure out what I need to do differently also.
thanks for the great insight