We all need real friends in our lives. But how do you know someone’s actually a beneficial friend and not just a life-sucker?
A lot of us deal with fake friends in our lives. They might look like real friends, but when it comes down to it, they just aren’t there for us. I get it: We all have bad days. That’s the value of friendship—having someone to rely on even when you aren’t at your best. But if the following things happen regularly, there’s a good chance the person isn’t really your friend.
Here are a few signs you might be dealing with a fake friend.
They absolutely exhaust you.
We’ve all experience exhausting people. They’re always fighting. Or there’s always more drama than we can handle. Or maybe they just complain 24/7. That’s exhausting. And that’s not what real friends are about.
If you don’t leave your time with a friend feeling uplifted, you don’t need to invest time in them. It’s not yielding good results.
They take more than they give.
While friendships aren’t a transaction, there should be a mutual give and take. If you find you’re devoting more emotional, financial, or temporal capital into the relationship, they aren’t really a friend—at least they don’t see you as someone worth investing back into.
You take more than you give.
The same goes for you; if you don’t give back into the relationship, you’re a fake friend. It’s a fake friendship. You’re just using the person. Stop it.
You hold back good news because you’re worried they’ll be jealous.
If, any time you have good news, you have to be careful sharing it with your “friend” because you know the green devil of envy will possess them, they aren’t a real friend. A true friend will mourn when you mourn and celebrate when you celebrate. If your success upsets them or your pain makes them happy, that’s an unhealthy, fake relationship.
They aren’t willing to be inconvenienced for you.
“Dude, I’d love to take you to the airport tomorrow, but if I don’t get nine hours of sleep I’m useless.” If a friend isn’t willing to lose a little sleep or re-arrange their schedule a bit, they aren’t a real friend. If this happens enough, you can guess it’s one of two things: Either (1) they aren’t a real friend or (2) you’ve been taking more than you give. Something needs to change.
They talk trash about everyone else.
If your friend talks trash about everyone but you, there’s a good chance they’re talking trash about you when you aren’t around. Gossip and trash talk aren’t compartmental. You can’t keep it contained to just a few people. It goes everywhere. So you know if they are the type of person who talks about this stuff, they’re talking about you too. You don’t need that in your life.
You can’t be honest with each other.
Finally, if you can’t call someone out on their crap or if they’re afraid to call you on yours, they aren’t really a friend. Real friendship is about honesty. If none of your friends are willing to be honest with you, you need to make a change. You either need to invite their honesty in your life, or you need to stop being so sensitive when someone tells you tough truths.
Real friendship is a life exchange. If life isn’t being put invested into you and if you aren’t investing life into other people, you need to change up your friends. That starts by becoming a true friend to those you encounter. Start acting like a friend, and the right people will come around to act like a true friend to you too.
What would you add to this list? What are some signs you’ve seen that someone isn’t a true friend?