You know that guy at church? The one you avoid? Perhaps you choose a different service time so you don’t have to see them. Maybe you schedule yourself to volunteer on weeks where they won’t be serving with you. Maybe you even wait in your car until service starts so you won’t have to talk to them in the lobby pre-service.
I know you have a name in your head right now. We all have those people who get on our nerves.
What are you to do about someone like that? Here are four things to remember next time you see them. It might just help.
1. They are insecure.
No matter how arrogant or self-absorbed they seem, they are desperately insecure. And the way they act is often rooted in that insecurity. When they one-up you, they’re trying to feel better about themselves. When they are intentionally weird, it’s often rooted in a fear that people will reject them.
They aren’t just annoying for no reason. There’s something behind it. And it’s probably insecurity.
2. They’re annoying because you’re insecure too.
I’ve found when I’m around these annoying people, deep down it affects me because of the way it makes me feel about myself. They tend to take the attention away from me. They tend to make me feel bad about myself.
Nobody can annoy you unless you let them get to you. And that’s what’s going on.
3. They have real baggage.
It’s not just insecurity causing them to act the way they do. They have deep emotional baggage that’s making them the way they are. Maybe their father rejected them. Maybe they never felt love from their mother. Maybe a childhood friend betrayed them or a sibling embarrassed them publicly.
My dad always says people are doing the best they can with the life they’ve been given. I didn’t believe that for a long time until I started getting to see some of the inner turmoil going on in the lives of those who get on my nerves the most.
4. They need compassion.
Because of their issues, they need compassion. I know I need grace and mercy for the stuff I’m dealing with. Why wouldn’t I extend that same kindness to others around me?
I’m not saying it’s easy to give these people your compassion. It’s extremely difficult. But the coolest thing about compassion is that when you give it away, you feel it back. When you give mercy out, it comes back to you.
No, you don’t need to become besties with those people who annoy you. You don’t even need to hang out with them a lot. But you also don’t need to feel that acid churning in your stomach each time you see them. It doesn’t have to be stressful to be around them.
Tall order? I know. But it is possible. It just requires intentional compassion on your part.
What are your strategies for dealing with annoying people? What’s your perspective on the issue?
