As an extrovert, I’m obsessed with being the type of person people want to be around. Since I work from home, it’s my only hope for scratching that extroverted itch. If I’m not out at a coffee shop each week, I’m at home alone crying my way through my office work.
I’ve noticed the people I want to be around the most do a few things when I’m with them. It’s what I try to do every time I hang out with someone. And I believe it’s something every believer should do on the reg when they’re in public—as long as we want to show love to the world. Here are the six things I’ve noticed the most magnetic people do:
Ask Questions
The natural tendency is to talk about yourself. That’s mistake number one. Instead, ask questions. But don’t just ask questions without contributing to the conversation. Ask questions to help you find common ground. Ask questions about what interests the other person. Ask questions about their opinions. Then center your conversation around that.
Encourage
I’ve never met a single person who rejected my encouragement. We all crave a glimmer of hope in this dark world. And when you can provide that for someone else, they’ll naturally want to come back for more. Sometimes the encouragement is as simple as “you can do it” or “I believe in you”. Those words will change someone’s whole day.
Mourn or Celebrate Appropriately
The Bible tells us to rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with this who mourn (Romans 12:15). Unfortunately, our tendencies are to get jealous when someone’s rejoicing or to try to fix the problem when someone’s mourning. Resist those tendencies. Instead, put yourself in their shoes and just empathize with what they’re feeling. Celebration and sadness both need company. (Just don’t try to leave people in sadness…look for a way to lead them toward encouragement.)
Offer Possibilities
When a friend is dealing with conflict, give them possibilities. Don’t try to solve their problem. Instead, help equip them to solve it themselves. This might mean introducing them to new ideas or even to people who fit with what they’re needing. “I’ve seen this” or “I’ve heard about this”.
Don’t add pressure to someone by trying to force them to solve their problem your way. Instead, be a resource for them.
Match the Vibe
Another way to say this is “don’t be weird”. If the conversation is serious, be serious. If the conversation is silly, be silly. The quickest way to be awkward and want people to run away from your presence is to be dark and morbid while they’re trying to be lighthearted.
Every conversation has its own ebb and flow. You’ll eventually get where you want to be emotionally. But start off from their vibe; don’t try to hijack the atmosphere.
Inspire, Don’t Brag
It’s natural to share good things that are happening in your life. But don’t share them as an opportunity to brag. Instead, use your stories to inspire. Show your new friend how the things that happen to you are totally possible for them too. Talk about the similarities between their achievements and yours.
The coolest thing about being this sort of person is that you’ll find you become friends with amazing folks. Even the “famous” people that normally wouldn’t give you the time of day will be drawn to you.
So there’s the list. What would you add? What do the most magnetic people you’ve met do that keep you coming back for more?
Another excellent post from Jonathan Malm! From experience, I would also add that you don’t only reach out to them when you need something from them, but you actually show you want to be around them for them. Opportunists are not attractive at all.
Great point!
How do you encourage and not flatter??
Encouragement is sincerely looking at the facts and finding the good. Flattery is the easy way…insincerely trying to misdirect people from the bad in a situation. Flattery is easy, while encouragement takes actual care and sometimes hard work to help someone find the good.