I like being liked. So anytime somebody doesn’t like me or doesn’t like something I do, I try to win them over.
Just last week I got an email explaining all the things I did that made someone not want to buy my book. It was a painful criticism, but I got it. I got what the guy was saying and I tried to learn from it. (It was a really long email. And he even did some statistical analysis to prove his point about what I needed to change in my life.)
But he wasn’t my worst critic. The worst critics in my life are the ones who completely miss the mark. They’re the ones who don’t get what I’m doing or who don’t really understand what they’re talking about.
My brother’s experiencing a critic like this right now. His book, Vision Map, got a particularly nasty review. But the review didn’t even talk about the book. It simply presumed that the other reviews for the book were fraudulent. They hadn’t bought the book. They hadn’t disliked the book. They were just criticizing the reviews.
Joel has dealt with criticism all his life. He normally lets it run off his back. But this one affected him. Why?
It’s easy to understand when people don’t like you. Once you know what element of your life or personality turns someone off, you can either work on fixing that or move on. But when people don’t understand you, you want to fix it. You want to give them understanding so they can make an informed decision.
But the truth is, they’ve already made up their minds. You won’t change it. You won’t be able to provide the critical data they need to make a valid judgment about you.
You could focus on the critic. You could spend all your time trying to educate them. You could even try to get your friends to help educate them. But it’ll never happen. And that’s okay.
The best minds, the world changers, the innovators… They were all misunderstood. Each of them had their motives questioned. But those people could have focused on the critics, or they could have done great work. I’m so glad they chose the latter.
What will you choose?
