This morning I hopped in the back of an Uber driver’s car for a 10 minute drive. In that time, we talked about his autistic daughter, how he wished he had learned Spanish, his time in the Air Force, how his wife almost died a couple of years ago, and his father-in-law who has just now adjusted to the fact that his white daughter married a black man.
I get into conversations like this all the time. I think part of the reason is that I ask questions and legitimately want to know about the person’s life. But I think some of it is in knowing what questions to ask.
These are three questions I pretty much ask everyone I meet. And they seem to tell a lot about a person’s past, hopes, and future.
1. Are you originally from here?
Asking this will usually tell you where someone was born and where all they moved. There’s usually a lot in there about parents and culture. There are typically loads of other questions you can get into there.
2. Do you like it here?
If they do like it, it’s usually because of a job or someone they met. Learn about their career or their significant other. Ask more questions there if you find something interesting.
3. Where have you thought about moving?
Most people have a dream location, but most people also have something that’s keeping them back from moving there. Maybe it’s an autistic child or family in town. Or maybe they just don’t believe they can follow that dream.
I’ve found that once I’m three questions in, most people will direct the conversation themselves. I’ve shown I’m interested, so they get into deep areas of their life. If not, there are usually enough details I can grab onto to ask intelligent questions.
The coolest thing about doing this sort of thing is you can encourage deep areas of their life. You can be a light and a beacon of hope to them, just by listening and affirming.
Next time I see that Uber driver, you can bet he’ll remember me and we can keep that conversation going. So cool!