I’m a people-pleaser. I always have been.
I always found myself well liked. I always wanted to keep the peace. The few times in high school where people genuinely didn’t like me were some of the hardest times in my life. I was convinced I could make anyone like me, and when they didn’t I felt completely lost. It really hurt to know someone didn’t like me.
Growing up I rarely got spanked. It wasn’t because I didn’t do anything bad, though. It was because I broke down crying as soon as I knew I’d disappointed my dad. Sure, a swat on the bum would have stung, but it didn’t compare to the emotional pain I felt knowing I’d displeased my father.
My dad used to sit me down weekly and try to work out this over-sensitive nature. To help my seven year-old brain comprehend this and to soften his own criticism of my sensitivity, he’d tell me about an old cartoon called Touché Turtle.
Characters always confused the word “touché” with the word “touchy”. So they referred to this would-be hero as Touchy Turtle. My dad would tell me as tears streamed down my face, “You’re far too sensitive, Jonathan. You have a choice. You can either be Touchy Turtle, or you can be Touché Turtle. One breaks down under criticism. The other is a hero. You need to choose who you will be.”
I chose to be touché, not touchy. It wasn’t a very difficult choice as a child.
But acting on that decision was much tougher. I still struggled with sensitivity through college, into my career, and even in my marriage.
My people-pleasing nature hasn’t gone away. But I’ve learned to put it aside. It no longer holds me back from trying something. I’m no longer afraid to ruffle a few feathers if it means doing what I know I’m called to do.
Do you find yourself looking to please people? Are you a Touchy Turtle? Maybe it’s time to decide you’ll be Touché Turtle from now on. Maybe it’s time to turn from zero to hero. The decision is yours.
