This is the story of two asks.
Ask 1: I was approached by an acquaintance to help him set up his blog. I dreaded each text and call. I really had no desire to help him. Each time he asked me a question I felt the life draining from me. Blech!
Ask 2: I was approach by a new acquaintance to help him set up his blog. I bent over backwards to help him. I checked in every few days to see how his site was progressing. I offered to design him a logo. It was a blast!
What made those two asks so different? It was the way they approached it.
The first asker was trying to get something from me. He was my “friend” because of how I could help him improve his platform. He never said anything to make me think that, but I could tell. I really had no desire to help him. I get tons of requests from folks to help them do random things. Why should I help him?
But the second asker wasn’t trying to get anything from me. He approached me for friendship. We hung out just to hang out. Then when he set up his blog he asked if I had any advice for him. He was my friend…why wouldn’t I help him out? I could tell he legitimately wanted to befriend me…my help was just a fringe benefit.
So many people approach friendships as an opportunity to network. They look around to see who can help them get where they want to be, and position themselves to meet them. These folks are life suckers.
But there are those that legitimately want friends. I make it a point to be one of those people. Sure, I tend to befriend folks who’ve been where I want to be. But that’s not because I want to use them. It’s because I love hanging out with people who challenge me. If they never help me it doesn’t matter. Friendship first. The other stuff comes naturally without having to force it.
It’s how to win friends first. Then the influencing people comes on its own.
Amen!
Amen!
thank you so much for this post. in the music
world using people callng it networking is so rampant.
makes for much loneliness. it just feels gross and wrong to me.
thank you so much for this post. in the music
world using people callng it networking is so rampant.
makes for much loneliness. it just feels gross and wrong to me.