My Weekly Insecurity

Every week or so I deal with a new fear. It’s some new insecurity that I can either let cripple me or propel me forward. This week’s was: “What if I’m not providing as much value to the company as my bosses thought I would?”

They hired me almost six months ago to take on a huge project: Echo Conference. They had certain goals and dreams for the project, but they’re trusting me to run with it. And I frankly fear they’re regretting their decision to hire me. Are they paying me more than I deserve? Would they rather have someone else in this critical position? Are my seemingly brilliant ideas for the event actually horrible ideas? And they just don’t want to tell me?

Now, let’s be clear. They’ve given me no indication of this. They’ve been positive. They’re great at communication. None of this insecurity is on them. It’s all on me. But it’s still there.

I’ve noticed that about our insecurities. They’re mighty opponents that we create. When things seem to be going well, we feel the need to create our own adversaries and resistance. It’s weird how that happens. Perhaps we need the fight.

But I know this: I’m going to use this insecurity to make myself better. I’m not going to let it tempt me into playing it safe. I’ll swing for the fences and put my heart into it. And I won’t do it out of fear for my job. (That would cause me to play it safe.)

I’ll do it because I want to destroy that insecurity. Yes, I want to stress out my insecurities so they have their own problems to deal with. I’m fighting my inner tornado by creating an even bigger tornado. And I’m going to hold on tight and enjoy the ride.

At least that’s what I’m doing this week. I might crash and burn. But I’ll crash and burn enjoying myself instead of cowering in the corner.

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